CHEESE FOOD?! What the H-E- double hockey sticks is that?
"Past-U-rized processed cheese food"!
If y'all have been on the internet as long as I have, you probably got the email some time ago 'bout how Kentucky Fried Chicken had found a way to birth chickens that, for all intents, looked like mis-shapened footballs...
All breasts, thighs, and drumsticks... and nothin' much else.
I think "cheese food" was probly born in the same labratory, just across the hall.
What IS cheese food?
YOU can't even tell me, can ya?!!
But I bet you're eatin' it!
Go open your ice box right now and pull out that stuff you're makin' greased-cheese sammiches with thinkin' it was "American Cheese", and take a look at what it says on the label.
Go on now! I'll wait 'til you get back.
It ain't what you thought, is it?!
You're eatin' somethin' you don't even know what it is!
Well I refuse to eat something I can't begin to identify, and it's one of the reasons I have to go to Sam's Club...
Sam's big box is one of the few places I can find REAL American Cheese!
I buy a big ol' block of American Cheese 'bout the size of a loaf of bread... that sucker must weigh 12 pounds or so. We break it up into smaller portions and freeze most of it. But that way I know we're not eatin' something that some guy lookin' like Henry Waxman conjured up in a test tube, out in City of Industry, California!
We buy our milk at Sam's too. I bought six gallons of "Fat Free" milk yesterday and saved a buck on each gallon... paid for the 45 minute drive to Sam's with that purchase alone! One gallon went into the fridgidaire, and the others went into the freezer next to what was left of that big 'ol block of real cheese.
Of course we bought mass quantities of other things too... cereal, sugar, laundry soap.
And when ya finish checkin' out ya have to take your receipt to a person standing at the exit and show it to 'em to make sure you're not stealin' any cheese or anything.
Yesterday that checker-person was a young male, appeared to be about 18 or so, and if I had wanted to steal cheese he wouldn't have been able to stop me...
He was about the size of cousin Ziggy, ya know... little bitty guy.
When I walked up to 'im I smiled and said, "I want your job!"
He got a kinda confused look on his face and said, "Why?"
"Well, you get to meet and greet everyone comin' through the store, don't you? And we sorta have to have your permission to leave. You're a Bigshot!"
He shrugged and said, "Well, it's really not a great job."
I said, "Well, at your position, you COULD have fun...
You could point underneath the cart and shout real loud WHAT'S THIS?!!, like there's contraband under there or somethin', and scare the poo out of customers!"
He allowed as how he might upset his managers if he did that, and he needs to keep this job.
Stupid managers. They take the fun out of everything.
And they're also the type wantin' us to eat some nebulous football-shaped "chicken thing" and something called "processed cheese food".
They need to understand that a good joke or interesting story is what makes the world go 'round!
The whole world is just fallin' apart, ain't it?