07 May 2005


The time limit for us to lift off after we get the call from dispatch is 8 minutes. We get the call, and, weather permitting, we are told we have a flight, and where we are going.
We go to the helicopter, start it, and take off in the direction of the town they indicate on the phone. Once airborne, we're given the description of the patients' problem, and the destination hospital for the patient.

A number of years ago, this is what we heard: "Patient is a 32 year old male. Patients' complaint is an emasculation, and three bullet wounds to the abdomen."

The Flight Nurse was in the co-pilots seat. I turned and gave her "the look", only to find she was giving me "the look" in return! I asked, "does that mean what I think it means?"
"Yep!" she replied, "This'll be interesting!"

We arrived at the sending hospital and my crew got their gear out of the helicopter as I did the two minute cooldown and shutdown. When I entered the ER I saw my crew working with the patient, and walked over to an adjacent waiting room to watch the news on tv while they finished getting him ready for the transport. Entering the waiting room, I found an attractive 30-ish female crying while talking with a man that was taking notes........a detective from the local police force, questioning our patients wife.

My eavesdropping answered many questions. The wife explained that our patient was her second husband. This weekend was her first husbands' weekend for visitation with the two children they shared. He was late getting them back on time. The wife had even made a call to the police to report the fact that he was late returning the kids. Finally, at about 10 P.M., he called to say he was having car trouble and could she come to the city park and collect the kids there?

She agreed to do that. The new husband drove. He's angry. Husband #2 and husband #1 do not care much for one another. Hubby #2 drives to the city park and pulls up driver's door to driver's door to have a "talk" with hubby #1. The discussion quickly became heated. Hubby #2 gets out of the car to have a more "intimate" discussion with #1, at which time #1 pulls out his .38 caliber equalizer and puts three slugs into #2's gut.

Husband 2 falls to the ground. Husband 1 gets out of his car, pulls down #2's pants, hoists his manhood to it's fullest extension, and severs it at the base with a pair of old tinsnips! Hubby #1 then gets back into his car......two kids in the backseat having seen all this, and drives non-stop to a town in the Old West that is 20 hours away. Somewhere in the Great Plains, he disposes of hubby #2's "Bobbitt", hoping hungry coyotes will do away with the problem!

How do I know this?

Two weeks after this incident, a Security Guard/friend at the hospital where we transported #2 approached me with a strange smile......
"Hey Greybeard, did ya hear the story?"
No, I hadn't. Spill the beans!

............Hubby #1 had been apprehended and had been transported back to our location to face trial. The two kids, both under 10 years of age, had been telling him that husband #2 was sexually molesting them. Husband 1 decided that this behavior was gonna cease immediately, and took positive action to make sure it did!

I only hope the kids were telling the truth. If they were, I hope that hubby #1 got a verbal admonition and a slap on the wrist!

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