22 December 2023

"The Long Goodbye"

My "Cousin-in-law" wrote me three days ago-
"Ron went to be with our Lord last night".
Ron was my first cousin; three months my elder and the only older cousin on the Paternal side of my family. In many ways we were like brothers.

Dementia runs in our family. My Paternal Grandfather spent the last couple years of his life sharing his life with an imaginary person in the room. The stories he told that person may as well have been on an endless loop tape-
He told exactly the same story in exactly the same way over and over and over.
His daughter... Ron's Mother, similarly died of Alzheimer's a few years ago. Ron's Mother's brother, our Uncle Bob, died of the same disease six or so years ago.
Me and all my cousins in that branch of the family are acutely aware that we might have memory problems in the future, so cousin Ron's problem was no surprise.
My sister and I are fortified that my Father and Mother made it into their 80's with their mental faculties intact. But that fact comes with no promises.

So when Sara Jean's sister came down with symptoms indicating some form of dementia we knew what the progression of the disease would look like:
Her sister became combative and paranoid- accused her husband of having an affair with anything with a skirt. She slept with a butcher knife 'neath her pillow. Her husband eventually locked her in her bedroom for his (and her) protection.

Now we're pretty sure Sara Jean is in early-stage Lewy Body Dementia. She still functions ALMOST normally, spoiling Big Bubba and me as if we are Kings.
But we are noticing some slight changes-
She is MUCH more forgetful of simple things.
She imagines she has told us things that neither of us remember talking about.
When we deny she has told us these things she is instantly VERY angry and the anger is, quite frankly, a little scary.
She sleeps A LOT... several hours during the day. Then she doesn't understand why she awakens at 0300 hours and cannot get back to sleep.

At this point the situation has not required much change in my personal life. I do wonder if her sleep habits are going to begin to require a change in my sleeping too. (And of course I worry that eventually she'll bring a butcher knife to the bedroom. And then there's that little Ruger automatic within reach just beneath her side of the bed that I am beginning to be a little concerned about).

Cousin Ron's wife and I have been in contact as his disease progressed. There was a point where she wrote, "He no longer recognizes me".
Therefore... "The Long Goodbye".

Sad.
Cruel.
Unfair.
We are being realistic, but praying for a miracle.


7 comments:

Old NFO said...

Prayers up, and yes, planning needs to be done.

Anonymous said...

It is the cruelest of duseases

Joe

glasslass said...

Watching mother, aunt and then hubby suffer with this, son insisted on a DNA test. He choose 23nMe. We all breathed a sigh of relief when the results came back. I only had 1 marker and both son and daughter had none. The one marker was a "someone in your family had it but you are at a small risk". My closest friend for 48 years now has a person who lives in the ceiling corner and controls the spider's who are as large as 727's. Hubby wandered the house at night and would set a pan of water on the stove to cook ramen. Once was enough, I took the keys to the auto's and all the knobs off the stove. But I would get anything projectile out of her sight. Chances are she will not releaize it's gone. All I can say is Good Luck and know that you both are in our prayers.

Ed Bonderenka said...

Prayers my friend.

Anonymous said...

Merry Christmas

Landroll said...

Late to your site here but I went thru similar things with my wife three years ago. Put child locks on cabinets, closets, and drawers where potentially dangerous devices are, i.e. guns, knives, poisons, etc. Put gates with latches up in front of stairs or areas you don't want her
to be in unsupervised. Put lever handles on doors you want her to be able to go thru.
Sorry to go on so long. Lots I learned that I wish I had known at the start.

Greybeard said...

Thanks for that, Landroll. I"m still in denial about the future we face. I'm blessed in that so far the disease is progressing very slowly.