03 February 2009

Gone X2

My wife drives me nuts sometimes.
She has "invisible antennae", and can sense a phony two States away.
Me? I'm clueless. I'm the guy that likes everyone and ends up wondering why I lent money to someone who very obviously had no intention of repaying me.

My point in sharing that thought is that Sara Jean and me, as a couple, have difficulty finding couples we both like. I generally like 'em all... she's much more selective.

"Carrie Ann" was a neonatal/pediatric transport nurse when I first started flying EMS 22 years ago. I liked her instantly.
"Andy" was a pilot that worked for a local helicopter charter service. When he accrued enough hours to hire on with our company, I was pleased to have him aboard with us. I was even more pleased when he and Carrie Ann started dating, then married.

I liked them both.
Sara Jean liked them both.
As often as our conflicting schedules would allow, the four of us would meet and visit over dinner.
When their daughter was born we were invited to all the special occasions, knowing our schedule would bar our attendance.

Years passed. We were invited to and attended two house warming parties. We annually bought Girl Scout cookies from the daughter. Life proceeded normally.

We met for dinner at "The Olive Garden". Good food, great company... we stayed overly long when our meal was gone to catch up on one another's news. Smiles and laughter... all seemed well.
Three days later the phone rang...
"Greybeard, I have bad news. Andy and Carrie Ann are dead."

Of course your immediate thought is- car accident.
A sigh and deep breath at the other end of the line...
"He shot her, then shot himself."

Knees buckle...


"We don't know yet. Their daughter was outside... heard the shots. She's okay."

...And we still don't know exactly what happened.
There was very little on the news about the incident. I'm told it's normal for a blanket to be thrown over incidents like this to protect the surviving children. But the question will continue to drive me crazy because we tragically lost one of the few couples we enjoyed socializing with...

Why, why, why?


cj said...

Oh no.

How terribly sad for everyone envolved.

There is no understanding such a tragedy, is there? Even if you learn the reasons behind it, you still won't understand it.

You're in my prayers, my friend.


Epijunky said...

Greybeard, I'm so sorry.

I have no words of my own to offer, my thoughts exactly mirror CJ's words.

You're all in my prayers.

the golden horse said...


I am so sorry for you and their daughter's loss. With or without answers the pain is so large.

No one knows why these things happen. I don't know if there are answers. But, I will pray for all of you involved.

Andrea Shea King said...

So shocking. so sorry....


emily said...

I too am dealing with death by suicide, but only x1. My friend was an amazing man and will also be missed. My pain resides in the fact that those left behind who called him "friend" have judged him, not remembering the good he did, his generosity or the lives he saved.

No matter the circumstance, may we always remember the good and why we continue to love them.

My thoughts are with you . . .

cary said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Sara Jean, and their daughter.

Words ... fail me.

nec Timide said...

Not too long ago I received news that the 30 something son of a good friend was found, by his wife, hanging in the spare bedroom. Also no indications of why. This has lead me to research the very bewildering realm of "Suicide Survivors".

I still don't understand, but I know that it is important to look after each other.

Take care.

Sarah said...

Very sorry to hear. My heart goes out to you and everyone affected by the violent, incomprehensible end of two lives.


Rain said...

That is horrible and when I hear about such, even with people I don't know, I always wonder too but so often there is no answer. A terrible story and I guess tells us how much people keep bottled inside from even those nearest to them. So sad. We are hearing of more of it but is it more or just we hear of it more often?

Rita said...

I'm so sorry Greybeard. I know you will struggle for answers and sadly, there will likely be none.

I think about our neighbor, who nearly two years ago wrote out letters to his wife and two grown sons and then shot himself in the heart. It was unimaginable, especially given that he had 6 grandkids that loved him and will carry that pain with them for years.

I know we struggled trying to fathom how he could do that and while we liked him, we had not become friends socially, yet we cried over the loss and still do when we look over at his house and can not imagine what must have been going through his head to take such a drastic, final and yes, selfish decision.

I wish you and your wife peace and hope you can remember the good times when you are searching your hearts for answers.

Greybeard said...

Thanks everyone. I do appreciate your kind thoughts.
I think the lack of facts about what really happened here is what hurts so badly. There's really been no closure for us.
When something like this happens in our lives we always wonder, "Why didn't I see this coming? What could I have done to prevent it?"
Guilt and self-blame...
Are we naturally gluttons for punishment?

texasnana said...

Oh SweetPea - I am so incredibly sorry. My heart aches for you and your sweet Sara Jean.