18 May 2005

First Date Jitters

In an earlier post I told you in 1971 the Army offered my instructors a chance to get out of the Army early by simply sending in a Post Card.

"Greg" was one of my instructors that accepted the offer.

6 foot 4 inch, 24 year old Greg was nice lookin'.....slim and athletic, with a "party" personality.

But with so much going for him, he would come to work many days discouraged, shaking his head, talking about his neighbor, "Jade".

Greg lived in a large apartment complex. Jade lived in one of the apartments above him. He had such a crush on her, he would adjust his schedule so he'd be home when she came home from work, just so he could watch her make her way to, and up the stairs to get to her apartment!

Greg would lament how he didn't have the courage to approach and talk to her......how much he wanted to take her out.......but how could he ever date her unless he could meet her?

And every time we would get into this discussion, I would advise Greg that "Faint heart never won fair maiden!"......that he needed to build up his courage and introduce himself to her, and if he didn't, he'd regret it forever!

One day he came in with a huge smile on his face!
"I just went out and introduced myself and told her I wanted to take her to dinner. We're going out tomorrow night!"

Now........here's what you need to know to understand this drama:
Greg owned a new MGB convertible.
I used to laugh that I could have made money charging people to watch Greg get his 76 inch frame in and out of this little car! He literally had to lift one leg out, then put his left hand on the ground to duck his head low enough to get the rest of his body extricated!

The BIG night arrives, and it's drizzling.
Greg and Jade are on their way to dinner,
windows up and Air Conditioning on full blast.....
Greg is so tense and excited, his stomach is rumbling.
He feels an irresistible pressure building in his gut........

You can imagine Greg's thoughts:
"I'm sitting next to the girl of my dreams.......how can I take care of this problem discretely?"

So my enterprising Warrant Officer friend comes up with a plan....
He thinks:
I'll say, "what was that noise?"
And she'll say, "What noise?"
And I'll say, "I heard a noise at the rear of the car, and just for the sake of safety, I think I'd better pull over and have a look."

Don't ya love a good plan?

"She'll be impressed with the fact that I care about her well-being,
and I can go to the back of the car and avoid embarrassing myself!"

So Greg says, "What was that noise?"
And Jade knows her part well....."what noise?"
"I heard a funny noise. I'm gonna pull over and take a look."

He already felt better!

He opened the door and extended his left leg, put his left hand on the ground, and as the rest of his body began to move toward his goal, the exertion of the exercise defeated him.
He was SO close!

Rather than go on with the charade, he sheepishly told her about his "plan".
His "dream girl" laughed out loud!

From that night on they were nearly inseparable. They were engaged in three months, and married shortly after he got his discharge papers from the Army.

So far as I know, they lived "happily ever after!"

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