02 June 2009

Fifty Feet of Hose

That's an exaggeration. I think. After being drugged with the Demetrol and Versed, they may have dressed me like Corporal Klinger in drag and taken photos to embarrass me later... I can't really say.
But I called yesterday to schedule colonoscopies for me and Sara Jean. I cannot remember when I had my last... was it three years ago? Longer? This will be the first for SJ. It doesn't matter that I've had one before, the Doc still wants to consult with us to check medical histories and to explain what to expect. I asked about two things:

1. During the last procedure the Doc was dismayed to find I had felt considerable discomfort while the last measure of the scope/camera was inserted. He indicated I needed more drugs. Apparently now they knock ya completely out, so we won't remember a thing this time.

2. I asked about the VERY INAPPROPRIATELY NAMED "Golightly". It was BY FAR the most uncomfortable part of my first procedure. (And reading that post indicates it's been longer than I thought... almost five years!)
Through the grapevine I have heard there is now a pill to take that cleans you out without the nasty, salty, boring gallon of Golightly.
They don't use the pill here. We're still gonna have to force down a gallon of weak saline solution.
(Sara Jean is already saying she'll cheat.)
The consult is scheduled for 16 June. Our procedures will be scheduled then, probably sometime in mid-July.

If you're over 50, why not go schedule yours today so we can compare notes?
Farrah Fawcett will be proud of you.


The Old Man said...

They've run the "Yellow Submarine" up my kazoo twice and generated very nice color photos of the interior each time. Was out both times. You are absolutely correct, sir, that nasty "Fleet" (in our neck o' the woods) is the worst part. Make sure to have a book or DVD player as well as facilities for other denizens of the house to use while you are attempting low-earth orbit due to a personal water-jet.
Unfortunately, I misplaced the photos so we can't do a "show n' tell"...

OlePrairiedog said...

Be sure to have the surgeon take photos. I used them to show Flame that my head wasn't in there.

Cissy Apple said...

Had one a few years ago, and my doctor...while I was still under sedation...told me, "You have diverticulitis--eat more fiber". He never even mentioned it during later office visits. It's even a wonder I can remember what he said. At any rate, I went to the store and bought two cartons of DanActive. My guts quit hurting by the time I finished the drinks a week later.

And I can remember moaning several times during the colonoscopy. There were "places" where it hurt bad enough to moan, but it wasn't excruciating.

Rita said...

OK, I have to relate another funny Bob story here.

Just an an introduction, when we're with friends, I spend half the evening saying, "BOB" because he can "cross that line" pretty quickly.

Anyway, he had his colonoscopy a few years back. He told me the guy that was going to help with the procedure was...let me be a little politically correct here...quite obviously of an alternative lifestyle.

Normally Bob would have enough sense to keep his off-color jokes to friends and family.

When I met him in recovery, Bob was fairly certain that he went right to sleep during the procedure even though he had given that "conscious sedation" drug.

Then when one of the nurses came back she said that Bob talked the entire time time during the procedures. He did not stop.

Oh oh. I would have loved to have had a tape of that conversation.

On second thought, maybe not.