12 November 2006

Greybeard's Darwin Awards

Somethin' I should have done long ago, I suppose....
I'm sure you've received them via email-
The Darwin Awards.......
awards given to people for doing stupid things that get them hurt or killed.

When I talk with others, I frequently hear the question,
"I bet you see lots of interesting things, don't you?"
Yes, I certainly do.
I respond...... "Just about the time I think I've seen every way there is to hurt yourself, someone comes up with a new twist."

Let me tell you about the Darwin candidates I've flown this month........
All involve alcohol consumption:

Candidate number one was a 14 year old male.
Folks that work in the ER have heard the start of his story often-
"I was just walkin' down the street minding my own business, when......."
This youngster had run away from home three days earlier.

Even at 14, he was intoxicated enough that I could smell him in the front of the aircraft.
While walking down the street, an unknown party, for an unknown reason, threw a glass bottle of something flammable at his feet, bursting the bottle and splashing much of his body with the liquid.
Candidate #1's reaction?
Time to light up a cigarette!
Result- 1st and 2nd degree burns over 35% of his body!
And he's lucky. It could have been much worse.

Candidate number two was less original. He tried an old method I have responded to all too many times: Get a bellyful of alcohol, then drive the wrong way on the Interstate highway.
Landing on the shut-down Eastbound lanes of the highway, I could see he had driven his car into the face of a tractor/trailer, resulting in compound fractures of femurs in both his legs. He'll be mighty sore for a while, IF he survives.

Candidate number three, a local college student, was celebrating his 21st birthday. He returned to his fraternity house with a blood alcohol content of .03........ drunk three times over.
When his key didn't work in the door, he did the only thing a drunk 21 year old could think of under the circumstances: He broke the window in the door with his fist. This resulted in a to-the-bone laceration of his right arm at the bicep, severing an artery, giving our candidate a pretty good chance of bleeding to death on the front porch. Fortunately for him, the residents of the house responded to the noise, put pressure on the wound, and called 911. There's a slim possibility, with skill and God's grace, that his arm can be saved.
Why didn't his key didn't work in the lock?
He was at the wrong address........ he lived next door!

These three "Darwins" have happened during the last 30 days.
Let me think a while about others I have transported, and I'll share those with you later, along with any innovative new ones I might encounter.

1 comment:

the golden horse said...

This is so Chuck Shepherd, he writes a column (Weird News) in our weekly paper and must be national. Just when you think people can't be any more stupid...he proves you wrong. I think you two should go into business, I think you could give him wonderful tidbits for his column.