25 July 2006

Red State Secession

Okay, I'm ready to quit.
I'm tired of pulling more than my fair share.
I want to revert back to capitalism.

After the '04 election, there was a great deal of wailing by the Blue States about how terrible it was that they would be forced to live under the rule of "King George the W" for another 4 years.
(He got us into that war under false pretenses, ya know.......No WMD!)

Now the economy is plugging along at record levels....
Employment at record highs, unemployment at near record lows.
The Dow is once again hovering around 11 Grand in spite of high crude oil prices.
Yet Blue Staters still see the glass as half empty:
Those terrible rich folks like Bill Gates and Warren Buffett aren't doing their fair share, ya know!?
GWB's election elicited a great deal of talking about secession of the Blue States.

Well, if ya can't beat 'em, join 'em!
I'm gettin' on the "Secession Bandwagon" too!

53 Million folks voted for GWB.
Most of them are red meat eating, gun owning, country music lovin', hard working, "Red State Rubes" just like me.
Living space for that many Rubes will take a good-sized piece of property.
And of course we don't want to displace "Blues" that don't want to be ruled by the likes of King George the W, so we'll need to occupy "Red" territory.

Here's my suggestion:
"Rubes" can occupy the Southeast corner of what is now the U.S. of A. This corner will include Red States-
Indiana, Kentucky, Arkansas, Tennessee, Texas, Lousiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, and Virginia. These 13 States can adopt the original "Betsy Ross" flag as their symbol!
(Fitting too, I think, that Red Staters will have the benefit the original 13 colonies had.....
the religious freedom to pray in our schools if we wish!)

These States will give Red Rubes a varied cross section of the country.........
mountains, seashore, good country for agriculture, coal, some oil, "The Pittsburgh of the South", and good ports to ship goods to Blue States and beyond.

Blue Staters can take the rest of the country and try to defend it against their enemies.

Sounds like Utopia to me....
No more lying about the best economy in years.
No more gun control arguments.
No more worrying about use of the phrase "Under God".
No more wailing about a lack of Federal help when disaster strikes........
given three days warning, "The United Red Rube States" (U.R.R.S.) will have heeded the warning and packed up and moved to higher ground. When the disaster no longer threatens, "Rubers" will grab generators and chain saws to put things right in a hurry.

There are a couple problems I can foresee popping up right away:

1. From their midst, how will Blue Staters find anyone willing to be part of an Army to defend them?
2. Unless we quickly build a fence, the U.R.R.S. will have a problem with illegals crossing our border.

Then I can start my campaign for "King of the World", (at least the Red State world), in earnest!


OlePrairiedog said...

Oh my goodness, Greybeard, You have to learn to speak your mind. If you keep all that stuff bottled up inside, you will just explode. Learn to vocalize your feelings, listen to others and be able to share your thoughts. (What a marvelous blog, by the way)
Thank you for all us 'Rubes

The Old Man said...

Great Boogly Moogly, ya forgot a state that is among the highest percentage-wise in military recruiting - Ohio. Don't make us fight our way into the URRS - and we'll bring some cool Great Lakes water with us.


Aviatrix said...

Greybeard, I'd like to read your blog, but keeping my aviation medical is more important to me. The colours of your text are getting further and further from readable, and I have to draw the line at red on black. Isn't there an internet rule that if you post red text on a black background you have to be a teenage girl, and the text must consist mainly of depressed attempts at poetry.

Greybeard said...


To stay unknown has been my goal,
now you've exposed the truth:
The Red on Black displays my role,
female, depressed, a youth.

Apologize to you, I must!
I really didn't know
these "internet rules", I trust
To me, you'll surely show.

So if my post-theme you desire
incurring NO eyestrain,
just email me- I'll have no ire
to respond to you again!

Aviatrix said...

You win! I award you purple lipstick and black eyeliner.

I've discovered that I can read the post in lovely black on white if I click the "show Original Post" link on the comments page, so all is well. You can do purple on black now, if the mood strikes you.